you like beads. You like beads a lot. But that doesn't mean you're addicted, right? Those strange glances your friends give you - it's just that they don't understand. The patient, glazed look on your mother's face when you explain the history of the beads in the strand you're wearing confuses you - you're just sharing interesting information, after all. Your husband's suggestion that you might want to “ease up on the bead thing a bit, hon,” was completely surprising and vaguely insulting. It's just a hobby, right? Other people have hobbies. Why should your hobby be a cause for such pained concern?

Surely they can understand it's just a hobby? Well, maybe they can. But can you? While mulling it over, consider these questions.

1) On the night of a meeting of the local Bead Society, you prefer to:
a) Curl up with your Afghan (Swede, Eskimo, Latin, whatever) lover.
b) Spend “quality time” with your family.
c) Be regaled with wild and lusty exploits of bead hunters of yore.

2) If you were a 911 operator, you would give top emergency priority to which of these simultaneous calls for help:
a) A pregnant woman, ready to explode, without a ride to the hospital.
b) A man hanging by his fingertips from the Chrysler Building.
c) A frantic, confused person in a bead store unable to make a decision.

3) Every time they show The Ten Commandments on TV, you:
a) Are moved at the wonder of Biblical miracles.
b) Are impassioned by God's message and the story of enslaved man's arduous quest for freedom.
c) Wish you had just one of the cool necklaces Yul Brynner was wearing in this flick.

4) Your usual pastime involving beads is to:
a) String a fabulous necklace to show off to your friends.
b) Rummage through a bead store and daydream about the fabulous creative possibilities for your selections.
c) Stare at your overflowing treasure trove of beads and think, “It's time I seek serious professional counseling.”

5) You think hoarding is:
a) A manifestation of societal greed and crude materialism.
b) A behavioral aberration you must overcome in order to be a more perfect being.
c) The only way to go.

6) When you're in a hardware store, you think:
a) Could these pliers be useful for bead stringing?
b) Can I use this glue for beading projects?
c) Wouldn't lug nuts and chicken wire make attractive bracelets?

7) You have thoughts about beads:
a) Often.
b) Too often.
c) During sex and while undergoing major surgical procedures.

8) You used to have friends outside the bead world, but:
a) You lost them when you started saying things like “rudraksha” and “cornaline d'Aleppo.”
b) Several of them tried to have you committed.
c) You found yourself wondering if they died, would they leave you their earrings.

How to compute your score? It's not that hard. If you answered “c” to two or more of these questions, get yourself some help. Now.